Your Score: Versatile bottom

by Walt Whitman


When I heard the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

OK, I'm seriously obsessed. Ask Kailyn.

So alot of people know that I've been desperately looking for a new place...

Ok, so for all of you peeps out here in Santa Cruz, I hypothetically found a beautiful, three bedroom townhome and might need to find two roommates by January 1st. These are two other rooms in the place running each for $550/month that are decent sized but I don't know the exact measurements. The landlord is this WONDERFUL, fun, energetic lesbian who is looking to travel longterm so she's renting out her home longterm--no lease is necessary though. The place comes wonderfully furnished (minus the three bedrooms, which are not furnished) with some antiques here and there; it feels like a REAL HOME. The place is off Ocean. I found the ad off Craigslist: check out the link!

So, um, I literally squealed inside when I found the place...kind of like this high pitched ::eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeEEeeEeeeeee::. So currently I'm at the top of her list of people to rent to (she kept telling me that she really, really likes me) and she would probably love me even more if I told her that I had two prospective renters to rent the other two rooms--it's kind of a special situation so if you're interested I can explain further. Let me know if this interests you!!! My cell isn't working but you can definitely email me: rainbwboi@aol.com. You can also leave me a message at work: 831.459.1468, but please don't call this number more than once to leave a message. Let me know ASAP!!!

Oh yeah, there's a black and white darkroom in a room that's located in the garage...if I move in, she says if I help her clear it out, it's ours to use! Amazingness...

I haven't updated in a while and to do it with song lyrics is like...I dunno... I'm feeling pretty (pause) not wonderful right now, and I can't really say much about it but this song, in particular, says so much...

---

Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure?
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

---

(Insert expletives.)

Yeah...

"Sometimes you just want to taste the bitterness of bile in your mouth."

Lookie at my beautiful new icon. Thank you to starstillwonder for making it, it's really quite wonderful, and vorpal_pen for letting me use it!!!

Um...had a very interesting night last night...it was quite enjoyable.

I got into LA early Saturday morning.

A bus ride that was suppose to be 9 hours long ended up being 12 because of the rain. It was by far, however, the most eventful Greyhound experience, the passengers being more interesting than the usual group of UCSC students and unsavory characters one can encounter on a Greyhound trip from Santa Cruz to San Jose to Los Angeles. I’m going to leave it at that.

Ryan, my ex, picked me up from the Greyhound station with his current boyfriend: this was a strange, otherwise, surprisingly pleasant, experience. I find it, still, remarkable that a familiar scent can trigger what seem to be, so many, full/empty emotions. I really appreciate that he offered to give me a ride home from the shady LA Greyhound station and I really appreciate that we're friends. Thanks Ryan!

Last night, I went to help with and watch the South Bay Community Children's Chorus' 16th Annual Concert, which my two youngest sisters are currently a part of—the SBCCC is also the first musical ensemble that I was ever a part of. It was strange being back amongst familiar faces, seeing 2 previous vocal coaches, a previous dance instructor from a children’s theater group and some old fellow choristers. It was both strange and inspiring to be back where my love of music was first fostered. I'm excited that I’ve been asked to potentially substitute for the director a few Fridays and Saturdays of this summer, all traveling expenses paid.

I think that taking this break from school will be good for me.

Being in LA is strange. Finding myself in LA without a car is frustrating but otherwise, everything is ok.

I look forward to the upcoming summer. I look forward to being back in Santa Cruz, seeing friends, cuddling up with Mick and the kitties, moving into my new place and settling into to a new job. Santa Cruz just seems more like where home is.

It’s really ridiculous that I’m kind of feeling homesick despite only being away for a few days.

It’s gonna be a long week.

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday...

So, in the recent past…

I figured out Friday night that Whiskey is definitely my hard alcohol of choice. Friday night was a beautiful night of whiskey, a variety of other alcoholic beverages, faggot sweaters, vomiting, water crackers, dancing, bombing harbors, more vomiting, speaking French, crying with an amazing someone, laughing, getting wet, losing my sunglasses, getting somewhat intimate with a toilet bowl and being racist. Well, maybe I overindulged but nevertheless, yum!

This weekend, I also found myself in SF with Kailyn, Mick and Josh—pretty people. We went to a cute camera store, City Lights Bookstore, and Amoeba Records. I’m completely in love with City Lights btw, it’s amazingly charming. We took the 1 both to and from SF and despite being tired and grumpy, the view and contrast of the coast from day to night was remarkably beautiful and was enough to put a smile on my face.

Hm. I’ve been watching Arrested Development like crazy. I’m hooked.

I've started the whole apologizing way to much thing again. I need to stop.

…other stuff…

Being back in Santa Cruz is nice. It's currently raining, and I'm sick, but for some reason it feels right to be here in my dorm room, listening to a bit of Mozart, waiting for laundry, avoiding the stack of work on my desk, updating my LJ.

Actually, these past two weeks can be compared to a wild, pleasant carnival ride as I continue to scramble through my music classes while burning various other candles—really, who cares if I’m “burning the candle from both ends” when there are so many candles to burn…I’m thankful for this revelation. I’m particularly, even more so, thankful that I have a group of beautiful friends that have helped me come to this realization. It's really awkward and strange that I say this but but they have really made a difference in my life. Ignore the awkwardness.

So, _________s are beautiful; I have beautiful friends to drink with, whom I love and adore; I have a beautiful person to occasionally cuddle with and I have classes where I feel like I’m mostly in control.

With all the bearing stresses of one's general life, for once, I feel strangely relaxed.

I’m happily content.

Life’s beautiful.

So yeah, I’m still in Georgia...actually, I’m feeling a little more comfortable and I find myself enjoying my time here. It’s pretty and everyone is really nice, intense, but nice—also, locking myself in a room occasionally to read a little seems to help me reestablish my personal space. There was a thunderstorm here the other night; it was nice and oddly comforting. We don't get many thunderstorms out in California. At the Milledgeville Mall I bought a shirt that reminds me of Brokeback Mountain =P. I also got cute argyle socks, a cute belt and awesome late-Christmas presents.

A few weeks earlier, shortly after going back to LA, Ryan and I broke up for various reasons putting a melancholy damper on a lot of my break. Even though I miss him, I remind myself frequently that it’s really for the better.

Right now, I'm feeling rather fickle when it comes to the idea of relationships: I should probably stay out of being in one for a while or atleast be more gaurded or attentive...I don't like that I fall in "love" so easily. The notion of being young and being allowed to fall in love several times makes me more and more uncomfortable with each passing relationship. Bleh.

On a happier note, before I came up to Georgia, Daniella, Brian, Scott and I went to Disneyland and had a blast. We saw Mickey and his friends...INCLUDING ARIEL; we took pictures; it snowed. It was AMAZING. When I’m able to get more computer access time I’ll make a collage of them and post it.

Also, much to my relief, I passed Music 30 (for those of you who haven't already heard, or don't know, this is a huge deal).

Okay, so yay, an actual update. I haven't done a real one in a while.

Well, I'm looking forward, very much so, to being back in Santa Cruz. It's wierd that it seems like home for the first time--and for the first time, I'm missing it. Like I said to Mickie, “Yay cigarettes! Yay coffee! Yay wine! Yay classiness! Yay wonderful home!" Oh, and YAY KITTIES!



::Cuddles::
~Ray

So yeah...um, I'm in Millidgeville, Georgia. Today, I managed to fall asleep on the floor in a corner of the Millidgeville Mall's Walden's bookstore with a duck. I used a book for a pillow. It's intense here.

Happy holidays everyone. Gonna head out to Gorgia in about three hours. Call my cell if you need to reach me. I hope that everone is doing well and eating lots of good food.

What an awesome night.

Life is good and is better than it has been. I love the kitty in my new icon!!! Awww... I want one just like it! So round and fluffy--If I had two of them I could make them into really comfortable slippers...

I can dream big.

It's really upsetting...


"White House Enacts a Plan to Ease Political Damage"


...that our White House representatives, Democrats and Republicans alike, are more concerned about who's winning a popularity contest while there are people in extreme need (it's apparent aside from this article). THESE, people, are the leaders that we elect to run our society. Wow, what a great reflection on our nation.

Note: you might have to register with nytimes.com to be able to view the article.

I just dropped my hundred pound laptop on my foot... =( Aside from that, I'm feeling kind of down right now...

Stolen from californiarose.

If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie them to a bed post, lick them until they scream, then fuck them until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, then post this exact sentence in YOUR journal.

Hehehe...blush.

Note: I just ate a slice of cheesecake...

Sincerly yours,
The Heifer

A little piece of me died when I had to wake up this morning...

musicforoxygen: well
musicforoxygen: i am feeling spiteful
musicforoxygen: it makes me eat a lot
Rainbwboi: awwww
Rainbwboi: so when you feel a lack of spite, do you induce vomiting?
musicforoxygen: haha alas no
musicforoxygen: i let it all make me fat
musicforoxygen: ohh fat
Rainbwboi: hahaha
Rainbwboi: well, I wanna be like the movie stars
Rainbwboi: :-P
Rainbwboi: olsen twins...HOT!!!
musicforoxygen: ew dude
Rainbwboi: mmmm
musicforoxygen: theyre anorexic and look like the puppets in dark crystal
Rainbwboi: skinny anorexic babies
Rainbwboi: that's what I'm going to make with them
musicforoxygen: gross
Rainbwboi: I think I would be afraid to touch them...
Rainbwboi: their bones would probably crumble during the procreating process
Rainbwboi: I'm in a weird mood...
musicforoxygen: eewww
Rainbwboi: yeah...
Rainbwboi: that was kinda gross
musicforoxygen: mhm, a bit
musicforoxygen: oh well, olsen twins are gross
musicforoxygen: and i'm eating a plum
musicforoxygen: spitefully
musicforoxygen: spiteful plum
Rainbwboi: a spiteful 130 calories
Rainbwboi: or however many are in a plum
musicforoxygen: lol more like 50
Rainbwboi: I think i want to try an eating disorder...
musicforoxygen: nonono
Rainbwboi: hahaha
musicforoxygen: we'll do it together!
musicforoxygen: when school starts
Rainbwboi: yay!
musicforoxygen: it'll be great.
Rainbwboi: ok
Rainbwboi: we'll eat 1 grape per a meal or something
musicforoxygen: ahaha
Rainbwboi: and then go throw it up
musicforoxygen: like swipe into the dininghall
musicforoxygen: and only get a grape
musicforoxygen: and sit there morosely cutting it into tiny pieces
Rainbwboi: or like a sunflower seed
Rainbwboi: no, that's too fatty
musicforoxygen: yeah sunflower seeds make you obese, ray
musicforoxygen: god
Rainbwboi: ugh...
Rainbwboi: ok
Rainbwboi: and then we'll go to the gym afterwards
Rainbwboi: and say, "gosh, I'm so full from all that grape I ate."
Rainbwboi: lol
musicforoxygen: hahaha
musicforoxygen: totally
Rainbwboi: and we'll die together
Rainbwboi: it'll be fun
musicforoxygen: and we can like
musicforoxygen: watch america's next top model together
Rainbwboi: OMG!!!
musicforoxygen: wha?
Rainbwboi: I'm excited...
Rainbwboi: :-P
Rainbwboi: hahaha
Rainbwboi: the scary thing is I've actually thought about it before
musicforoxygen: well, i mean shoot
musicforoxygen: it'll be amusing if nothing else
Rainbwboi: ok, well do it for a day
Rainbwboi: hahaha
Rainbwboi: and then we'll binge together the next
Rainbwboi: :-P
musicforoxygen: hahaa
Rainbwboi: for one day we'll look beautiful
Rainbwboi: and we'll take pictures in really tight clothes before we eat
Rainbwboi: hahaha
Rainbwboi: ok...this is getting a little scary
Rainbwboi: ...
musicforoxygen: aaa
Rainbwboi: next topic...
Rainbwboi: this conversation is sooooo going into my live journal

*********

Rainbwboi: that was kind of a horrible conversation we had there
Rainbwboi: somewhat depressing...
musicforoxygen: yeah well
musicforoxygen: nothing tastes as good as thin feels!
musicforoxygen: aaaah
Rainbwboi: haha
Rainbwboi: oh no...

HAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE COCO!

I'm going to hell for having that conversation...

( CLICK HERE!!! )

Wow, that was a really long post. Sorry.

What a great week though!

Well, that’s all for now. ::YAWN::...ow...throat...::dies::...

Hope everyone is doing well.

Love,
~Ray

Tigerheat was a blast...more on it later...

Happy birthday Sean!

Night everyone!

~Ray

I’m at work right now and Susan, my boss, has not been a very happy camper all day… =( She’s been yelling a lot and unfortunately, the phone calls have been particularly difficult to handle as well.

When I got back from lunch I saw Sarah Iobst in the parking lot in front of my work as I was pulling in. I haven’t seen her in about three years so it’s really exciting that I ran into her. I got her cell phone number and we’re going to get together soon so that she can tell me how “miserable” her life has been. She also moved and coincidentally lives on the same street, a few houses over from me. Sarah and I share so much history and it was nice to see her after all this time—she was there through most of my high school debauchery including the first time I got shit-faced…oh what a story…

Anyway…

So last night was amazing… After work, I went to yoga, came home, took a shower and got ready to head out. Daniella and I went to the Cheesecake Factory, ate, talked, sang Chorus Line, shared stories and laughed. Afterwards, we walked around Redondo Pier and was approached by a drunk guy named Matthew... ( The oh so wonderful adventure... )

I LOVE DANIELLA! MGH! Talking to her and getting the opportunity to catch up and share an adventure was wonderful; we’ve both been really busy with work and haven’t seen much of each other.

Stuff...
-Jamie’s coming home this weekend!!!
-No Man’s Land art reception this Saturday night at the Shoshanna Wayne Gallery with Joyce in, I think, Santa Monica.
-I need to visit Brandon.
-Boys confuse me.
-I have cheesecake! Rand, a loan consultant from Washington Mutual, brings us treats when he visits the office. This time, he left cheesecake on my desk while I was on lunch with a note that said, “From your sugar daddy...” = P
-The new 24 Hour Fitness just opened in Hermosa.
-After hanging out with him in Santa Monica on Monday night, Ryan and I agree that the dinosaur fountains there are, truly, ugly and they look like they’re vomiting—confirming and reinstating my previous suspicions/opinions of the monstrosities. It was kind of weird though, it was almost déjà vu since I could swear that I’ve had the same conversation with someone else before...
-Daniella and I are trying to find ways to get into Disneyland for free.
-I have to visit the Getty while I’m in LA; anyone want to join?

Anyway, think that’s all for now.

::Hugs::.

The "Hetero" with fabulous hair,
~Ray

I took some pictures of my turtles...they're adorable!

This is Peter...he's the friendliest.


This is Lucy...she's the fattest.


And this is Edmund...he's the smallest and my favorite.


Awww...

Hopefully they don't go through identy crises since I have no idea who's what gender... O_o* ...

Life's good.

Love everyone,
~Ray

Hey everyone, I got a new number: 310.735.7356...yeah, I know, it's totally a lame number...I hate it. My other number will be disconnected on 07/28. Pass the word around.

Oooo...I got a new phone too...it's so pretty...


"My new phone!!!"


::Hugs::
Hope everyone's summer is going well!
~Ray